overload, racism, and study groups

I have finished my first week of nursing school, and am feeling at moments far behind, or on top of my game.

I am now in a study group.  Our first lecture night the instructor invided in three graduates of the course to talk to us about “how to survive the first quarter of nursing school”.  This had the effect of FREAKING ME OUT, and making me want to cry.  But as desired it gave me some good tips and motivated me.  I immediately wanted to cry, quit, and throw up.  How am I going to find time to make it all work?

Everyone pushed study groups.  I have never been in one, and always study well and alone.  I’m a 4.0 student for cryingoutloud!!  Do I really need a study groups.  Well according to everyone, YES.  The instrustor told us several times “YOU WILL FAIL IF YOU ARE NOT IN A STUDY GROUP”

So I joined on with some gals I knew from a previous science course, and it’s a good thing to do, if only I can find a way to ge to the study group regularly.

I’m married and have a toddler at home.  It makes it hard to even study (I try to leave the house regularly) let alone get to a study group.  I’ll work it out.

I also found out that the chances of me getting into the program were even slimmer than I had thought.  Of the 32 original seats, 15 are reserved for students who get a mere 3.0 in a program called the “Health Pathway”. WHAT!?!

3.0? REALLY?!  are you fucking kidding me?  RESERVED?!  I’m fairly pissed.  I did get in thatnk gawd, but now I know that not all the students worked as hard as I did.   Whatever, I will just try to not be bitter, cuz…. I GOT IN BEEYOTCHES!  Despite the odds.

Here’s the other weird thing.  The class is now 60+ because of stimulus $. ok, whatever, so now I am in there with mostly people who didn’t earn it like I did, and the class is jumbo sized (meaning less instructor time for me)

It’s a super diverse group, and the problem I have is that is way “down with whitey!”  It’s weird. Really weird.  Fine, whatever, but could the instructors concentrate on the fact that we are ALL nontraditional students?  Yes, I am a white female, just as nurses in the US have historically been.  FUCKING EXCUSE ME!  I no more chose to be white than you did to be Chinese. It’s a community college.  We are all here because our lives do not, for whatever reason allow us to pursue higher education at a university.  We are older, refugees, men, on our second careers, single Dads, working full time and supporting families, over worked and underpaid.  We are probably mostly low income (I surely am), live in lower-class neighborhoods, drive shitty cars and are not trustfund babies.  Yeah, so allot of the students are from Africa (yes Africa, as in “my country was destroyed by war and here I am”)

But it does not have to be so focus of RACE.  Really, if I said some of what the instructors do about “white women” or talked about the Muslim girls  in that manner it would be COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. So what the fuck?  Why is that ok?  It’s  not.

Concentrate on the fact we are all non-traditional students, not that most of us are minorities.  Yeah it is important, but don’t be so um….racist sounding.  Not cool.